5 Things to Check if Your Child is Constantly Dysregulated

If you’ve ever felt like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster with your child—where their moods seem to flip from calm to meltdown in the blink of an eye—you’re not alone. Many parents experience this, and it can be incredibly frustrating. But what if these frequent emotional outbursts or dysregulated states are actually your child’s nervous system trying to communicate that something deeper is going on?

When a child is constantly dysregulated, it’s often a sign that their nervous system is out of balance. There are many factors at play, from their physical health to their environment, emotional connections, and even how you as a parent are regulating yourself. Below are five key areas to check if your child is frequently struggling with dysregulation.

1. Fuel: Blood Sugar & Dehydration

Fueling the body properly is essential for emotional regulation. A child who frequently craves sugar or high-carb foods may experience spikes in blood sugar (energy), followed by a rapid crash. This constant cycle can leave them feeling agitated, irritable, and dysregulated.

For children in a state of chronic stress or fight/flight response, regulating blood sugar levels becomes even more difficult. Their nervous system is on high alert, and even with a nutritious diet, they may struggle to maintain balanced blood sugar. Additionally, dehydration is often misinterpreted by the body as hunger, which can further contribute to mood swings and outbursts.

Pro Tip: Make sure your child is drinking enough water throughout the day. If dehydration has already triggered a meltdown, remember that it takes about 20 minutes to rehydrate the brain, so early intervention is key.

2. Sleep & Reset: Two Types of Tiredness

There are two types of tiredness in children: one that requires sleep and one that needs peace. Sleep is crucial for the brain to reset and “clean” itself. If your child has had a poor night’s sleep, their brain hasn’t had the opportunity to clean, which can lead to brain inflammation and more difficulty falling asleep the next night.

Stress also impacts sleep, and factors like blue light exposure, lack of natural sunlight, or over-scheduling (thinking that tiring them out will help them sleep better) can backfire. In fact, these stressors often make it harder for children to fall asleep and increase feelings of dysregulation.

Pro Tip: Prioritize sleep routines and create an environment that promotes restfulness. Give your child plenty of time for transitions, allow space for unhurried play, and be mindful of over-scheduling. A calm, consistent rhythm in their day is vital for regulating their nervous system.

3. Safety & Rhythm: The Importance of Predictability

For children, feeling safe is a fundamental need. When a child’s nervous system doesn’t feel safe, they can get stuck in a fight or flight state, which makes it difficult for them to regulate their emotions.

Safety “anchors” are critical in helping children feel secure. These might include:

- A comforting “Goldilocks hug” (not too tight, not too light)
- A favorite toy or blanket
- Holding hands with a trusted adult
- Seeing a reassuring facial expression, like a mother’s smile
- Consistent rhythms in their day that help them predict what’s coming next

Creating an environment where your child knows what to expect can be incredibly soothing for their nervous system, helping them feel safe and grounded.

4. Un-Adult-Erated Play: Pure, Imaginative Play as Regulation

Children’s play is not just about fun—it’s a powerful way for them to regulate their nervous system. Imaginative play—where they create their own scenarios and narratives—helps children access their ventral vagal state (the calm, connected part of the nervous system).

However, many parents unknowingly interrupt this process by turning play into an educational moment. For example, asking them to identify the color of a flower or the names of animals can disrupt the flow of play and take them out of their ventral state.

Pro Tip: Allow your child to play freely, in their own way, without adult interference. It’s okay if the play is loud, messy, or repetitive. The key is to let them experience the joy and creativity that comes from pure, undirected play. This helps them learn to access calm, regulate themselves, and manage their emotions.

5. A Regulated Parent: The Power of Co-Regulation

This might be the most difficult and confronting area for many parents to acknowledge, but it’s also one of the most important. Research shows that mirror neurons in children cause them to subconsciously reflect the nervous systems of the adults they are around most often. If you, as a parent, are living in a state of constant stress (whether fight/flight or even dissociation), your child is likely to mirror those same stress responses.

Children rely heavily on their caregivers for co-regulation. If a parent is struggling to stay calm, it can be much harder for the child to calm down as well. This creates a cycle where both the parent and child are dysregulated, leading to further stress and emotional outbursts.

Pro Tip: Take time to work on your own regulation. When parents are calm, grounded, and emotionally regulated, they can better help their children through difficult moments. This is where programs like Regulated Parents, Calm Kids come in—helping you reset your own nervous system so that you can model it for your child. By doing this, you teach your child how to regulate their own emotions over time.

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How Can You Support Your Child’s Nervous System?

Constant dysregulation in children often signals that there are multiple factors at play in their nervous system. By addressing these five areas—fuel, sleep, safety, play, and parent regulation—you can begin to create a more balanced, calm environment where your child can thrive.

At the heart of it all is co-regulation—the ability for both you and your child to feel safe, calm, and connected. By working on these areas together, you can help reset your child’s nervous system and create lasting emotional resilience.

If you’re ready to dive deeper into supporting your child’s regulation, we offer tools, workshops, and coaching to guide you on this journey. Because when your child feels safe and supported, they can begin to move from dysregulation to emotional harmony.